Jul 21, 2020
In this episode, I breakdown the concept of emotional safety; what it really looks like to have it, create it and demand it.
My own little “armchair expert” theory has led me to believe that many of us were not raised in environments where it was safe to feel all the intense feelings.
Humans crave to feel unconditionally loved and celebrated for the real person we were born to be. I see this time and time again when I really get to know people.
I think we are born as perfect little humans and then the big humans accidentally send the littles the message that it’s not safe to be the honest, real, raw, messy, beautiful person you were intended to become.
Those messages are internalized and there are a variety of ways people deal with the pain that comes from not feeling fully expressed. Some people learn coping skills that allow them to live life on the surface and pretend the pain doesn’t exist.
This can seem like it’s working for the most part AND spoiler alert, there is an expiration date on that coping pattern. When life throws a curveball like it always does, the people who seem most “together” are often the first to fall apart.
Then there are others who can’t pretend they feel good when they don’t. These are the people where life involves a pretty good deal of suffering.
They have no problem acting out no matter who’s around. These are the sensitive people. The highly intuitive ones. These. Are. Our. Strong. Willed. Kids. They are begging for the grown ups to create emotional safety for them so they can feel seen, understood and safe to develop better skills to deal with the overwhelming big feelings in their bodies.
The frequent meltdowns over seemingly trivial things are always a sign that they are in emotional pain. Meltdowns will never be squashed until emotional safety is created.
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