Mar 8, 2022
We’ve been taking some of recent episodes back to the basics, and today I’m going to unpack the three parenting styles I see most often and explain to you which one I feel is the most effective. (Spoiler alert: Mastermind Parenting, that’s the one that’s most effective.) Now, we’re all inclined to naturally gravitate toward the style we grew up with, that’s what our automatic pilot is going to guide us toward. We all have ideas on what we want to do, which if you’re listening to this podcast, I hope is Mastermind Parenting. But when activated by the “heat of the moment” our emotional brain takes over, it’s just how we’re conditioned.
Ok, so the first style is authoritarian parenting. Authoritarian parents believe that kids should follow the rules without exception. Authoritarian parents are famous for saying, “Because I said so” when a child questions the reasons behind a rule. These parents often complain that their child is not obedient, then force punishments when the child doesn’t obey the rules.
Next are permissive parents. Rules may be set, but rarely enforced. Few consequences are given out and these parents also feel their children will learn best with little interference. Permissive parents are lenient. They often only step in when there's a serious problem. They're quite forgiving, and they adopt an attitude of “kids will be kids.” They have a really challenging time with the follow through, and they may give privileges back if a child begs, or they may allow a child to get out of timeout early.
Finally, we have authoritative parenting, sometimes called conscious parenting, or gentle parenting. Mastermind Parenting also falls under this category. It’s putting a lot of effort into creating and maintaining a positive relationship with your child.
These parents explain the reasons behind the rules. They enforce rules and give consequences but take the child's feelings into consideration. They validate their children's feelings while also making it clear that the adults are ultimately in charge.
And there are a lot of different ways to do this. Authoritative parents invest time and energy into preventing behavior problems before they start, so they are proactive, which is what I believe in.
Researchers have found kids who have authoritative parents are most likely to become responsible adults who feel comfortable expressing their opinions.
Children raised with authoritative discipline tend to be happy and successful. They're also more likely to be good at making decisions and evaluating safety risks on their own. Mastermind parenting in terms of authoritative parenting is all about. It can be hard to not take your child's behavior personally. But realize when they're pushing your buttons, that's your business and nothing for you to put on them. Children are not responsible for adult feelings.
Listen to this episode for more of my thoughts and strategies on how you can move toward being a Mastermind Parent! And as always, thanks for listening, and be sure and head over to Facebook and you can join my free group Mastermind Parenting Community where we post tips and tools and do pop up Live conversations where I do extra teaching and coaching to support you in helping your strong-willed children so that they can FEEL better and DO better.
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About Randi Rubenstein
Randi Rubenstein helps parents with a strong-willed kiddo become a happier family and enjoy the simple things again like bike rides and beach vacays.
She’s the founder of Mastermind Parenting, host of the Mastermind Parenting podcast, and author of The Parent Gap. Randi works with parents across the U.S.
At Mastermind Parenting, we believe every human deserves to have a family that gets along.